...then when I pulled into my parking spot at Kroger and got out, I heard all these bullets whizzing by! And they were all like PEW! PEW PEW PEW! Then they started shelling and everything was all BLOWING UP! So I ducked and rolled under the Prius next to me, soldier-crawled into the store and bought some juice and crackers.

"The Apparition" by John Donne

And I was so hoping to get that E.D. poem on the page before! But it's okay, Costello, you made up for it with this John Donne selection. Speaking of this selection, John Donne was doing some hardcore hypothetical creepin'. Baaaasically, if his current lady nags him too much, he'll "die" (literal or metaphorical? who knows, it's poetry!) and then when she thinks she's finally rid of him with her new hypothetical man, the speaker will hypothetically haunt her while she and her new hypothetical man sleep in their hypothetical bed. Not only was the speaker hypothetically creepin' on the woman, but the poem was ("hypothetically?") creepin' on the reader with it's eerie tone. Such imagery as "thy sick taper will begin to wink," and "then shall my ghost come to thy bed" gives a very haunted house theme to it all. The speaker feels he will be quite effective in his hypothetical creepin' mission that he will leave the woman "Bathed in a cold quicksilver sweat" and "[lying] a verier ghost than I." Ooh, gotcha there Ms. Naggypants!

Ooh look! It must be their hypothetical pet!